Getting Over a Breakup: Taking Time for Yourself

Getting over a breakup is challenging and often emotionally draining. The length of the relationship and the reasons for the breakup impact the time the healing process may take. However, there is a reframing that might help in this difficult moment of healing. You can look at this time as an opportunity to learn, grow, and start fresh. You can heal while tackling your physical and mental health.

Now is the time to prioritize yourself while getting over a breakup.

Tips for Getting Over a Breakup

Getting over a breakup can be long and grievous, whether in a relationship for a few months or several decades. You were emotionally invested in another person and created dreams for the future.

The reasons for the breakup can vary from mutual decision to infidelity, abuse, or sudden absence. After a breakup, you may struggle with feelings of loss, failure, shame, guilt, and uncertainty. This emotional roller coaster is temporary as you heal. However, there are several strategies you can use to help heal after a breakup.

It’s okay to grieve

If you have been advised by well-meaning friends and family to “just get over it,” you know how frustrating this can be. A breakup is a loss; it is the death of a relationship and a dream for the future. It is okay to take time to grieve.

Processing your emotions is critical for your emotional and mental well-being. You were emotionally invested and loved this person. Whether you initiated the breakup or not, the loss is just as profound. Take the time to learn about the grieving process and allow yourself time to heal.

Stop all contact

Unless you share children with your ex, stop all contact. You can delay healing if you constantly converse or see your ex. If your ex is manipulative, they may try to use this time while you are emotionally vulnerable to reconcile. Avoiding contact can save you heartache if your ex has started a new relationship.

If you share children, keep messages brief to arrange custody or child visits. It may not be necessary to speak on the phone. If the relationship ended badly, you may be able to find a mediator to manage these communications.

Rearrange your surroundings

Sometimes, new surroundings can lift your mood and facilitate healing. If you cannot travel far, consider taking a day trip nearby. Find tourist places and look at them through a new lens. Invite a friend or family member to go with you.

If traveling is not possible, rearrange your immediate surroundings. Declutter your home and make it your own again. If you recently moved because of the breakup, spend time customizing your new place to reflect you.

Avoid your ex’s social media

You don’t have to block your former partner on social media unless you feel unsafe but do try to unfollow or snooze their account for a while. Stalking and trolling your previous partner will only harm your mental health. You need to start the healing process; limiting exposure is part of that process.

The last thing you want to see is your ex moving on with someone else or posting derogatory remarks about you. Unfollow or snooze for a few months while you focus on yourself.

Don’t jump into a new relationship

Healing takes time. If you were in a long-term relationship or experienced abuse or trauma, you may need to rebuild your confidence and self-worth. Jumping into a new relationship before you have had enough time to process the emotions from the breakup can end badly.

You want time to rediscover what you enjoy and will no longer tolerate in a relationship. You must build emotional resilience, so you do not feel dependent on another person or too vulnerable if things do not work out in a new relationship. Plus, new relationships soon after a breakup can confuse children.

Journal what you learned

A mindset change can help facilitate healing. Instead of focusing on the breakup and its circumstances, focus on the lessons you may have learned. Try journaling to discover and process your thoughts and emotions.

When you first start journaling, you may write only the surface thoughts and emotions, but press on. Commit to writing two to three pages a day. It will take you drawing from an inner well to fill those pages. You may have questions on page one that you answer for yourself on page three. You may discover new goals, opportunities, and dreams in the pages of your journal.

Nurture friendships

Now is the time to nurture friendships you may have deprioritized during your relationship. If you were in an abusive relationship, you may have been isolated from friends and family. Reach out to them and explain where you are emotionally and mentally. Invite them over for coffee or a movie or even to talk.

Friendships require effort on both sides. Although you are hurt and getting over a breakout, ask about your friend’s life. See how you can help them. Sometimes, a little thinking-of-you card can go a long way.

Create new goals

If your life revolved around your ex, you may have lost sight of your own goals. Life experiences may have created a new desire for you to pursue. For example, you may have wanted to become an elementary teacher before you met your ex, but now you are interested in counseling other people getting out of abusive relationships.

What will it take to pursue your new goals? Maybe you need to learn something new, take a course, earn a certification, or get a degree. How can you make that happen? Break big tasks into smaller tasks and start today.

Prioritize your health

Look after your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. Each person is different but start with areas where you feel you would benefit from improvement. If it is your sleep, create a nightly routine to help you unwind. Go to bed at a decent hour and aim for seven to nine hours of sleep most nights.

If you worry about your physical health, start a walking plan. Walk twenty to thirty minutes in the morning and evening to get steps in, especially if you have a desk job or a long commute. Schedule annual appointments and screenings to keep your health up to date.

Grow your relationship with God

God is the only One who is certain never to leave you or stop loving you. You can depend on Him to always be there for you. Now is the time to prioritize your relationship with God and grow in understanding His character and His Son, Jesus.

Begin by praying and worshipping daily, reading your Bible, and joining a local church. If possible, research churches and their small groups. Many churches now offer small groups for everything from Bible studies to grief support to groups of people around the same age or interests. Serving with other Christians unites you in strengthening your faith.

Christian Counseling in Texas for Getting Over a Breakup

Overcoming the stress, anxiety, depression, and loss of a relationship can be challenging to do on your own. If you suffered at the hands of your ex, you may have unresolved trauma to process before healing can begin.

Christian counseling offers methods for healing from a breakup customized to your specific needs. You may use forms of therapy, like talk therapy, group therapy, or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), to reframe thoughts and emotions, change behaviors, and promote healing.

Are you looking for extra support?

Do you need extra support for getting over a breakup? Contact us at Texas Christian Counseling, where you can schedule an in-person or virtual session with a Christian counselor in Texas who can help you with positive coping mechanisms as you heal.

Unresolved pain and trauma can create mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression. Your counselor can help you address these unresolved emotions and move through the healing process.