How to Handle Anger Problems Effectively

When the Lord created people, it was with a great purpose in mind.

Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. – Genesis 1:26-27, NIV

God partners with humans to rule over creation and to nurture its fruitfulness. This is mind-blowing and an amazing reminder of who we were made to be. Part of how the Lord made us was with our emotions, and they play a role in how we are as we move about in the world. One of the challenges we face is how to manage those emotions well so that we continue to flourish, and our relationships remain healthy. Anger is one such emotion.

Anger is a common emotion, and often when that anger is expressed, it’s not in the most positive or constructive way. If we are honest with ourselves, we also find ourselves getting angry without knowing why. When we do know why that anger may be unjustified or even seem petty. Anger plays an important role in our lives, but it can become a problem that undermines our ability to do what the Lord would have us do.

The Place of Anger in Our Lives

Is there a place for anger in our lives? Depending on who you ask, anger could be seen as something entirely out of place for a believer, as wholly appropriate and justified, especially when directed toward certain ends, or as an emotion that requires wisdom to navigate and handle well. As you read Scripture and soak in its wisdom, the third option seems to be what believers are called to.

There are many instances of anger being experienced and displayed throughout the Bible. One of the first is in Genesis 4, where one brother feels jealous of the favor the Lord shows his brother. His anger gets the better of him, and he murders his brother in cold blood, making it the first mention of murder in the Bible.

We also see Jesus being angry at stubborn religious leaders because they are hard-hearted (Mark 3:1-6). That anger is directed toward sin and the ways it damages us, and it doesn’t lead Jesus to dehumanize or act in an unloving way toward others. Perhaps that’s one major difference between human anger and the sort of anger the Lord displays. Our anger doesn’t lead to righteousness relating rightly to God and others as described in James 1:20.

What then is the place of anger in our lives? In the case of Cain in Genesis 4, his anger should have alerted him to what he felt was a perceived injustice, a felt need that wasn’t satisfied. He mistakenly thought that there wasn’t enough of the Lord’s favor to go around, begrudging the favor his brother Abel received. His anger could have worked as a prompt to reflect deeper on his own motivations and view of the world.

Our anger can work that way for us as well. It can alert us when our boundaries have been violated, like when someone makes a joke at our expense, and we feel slighted or that our dignity has been violated. We get angry when we feel taken advantage of, or when something we care about is threatened. This could be situations like our loved ones receiving honor and privileges, or if our sense of safety is threatened. Anger helps to alert us to what’s going on.

Anger can function the way an instrument cluster in a car or other piece of machinery works. It can give you clues to how we experience the world around us, what matters to us, and how we feel things ought to go. This is quite important because it informs us of the next steps we might need to take, such as talking to the person who wronged us or made us feel unsafe.

The main challenge with our anger is that the motives, attitudes, perceptions, and patterns that drive it aren’t always rooted in love or the truth. We can quickly judge, misread others’ intentions, or act out of selfishness or a lack of wisdom. There are many other ways our anger can be mistaken, misdirected, petty, or even overblown. Anger has a place in our lives, but it ought to be guarded and guided by wisdom.

Signs of Anger Problems

We all possess the capacity to feel angry, and we’ve all felt angry at some point. That anger won’t look the same, and we won’t necessarily act on it the same way. Some are better at coping with and expressing it in healthy ways than others. Another person may have had good role models for how to handle anger, while others have experienced unhealthy and deeply damaging expressions of anger.

How can you tell if you or a loved one has anger problems? There are some signs to look out for. These would include if you felt angry for most of your day or week, if you’ve damaged relationships or lost opportunities due to things you said or did when you were angry. If you’ve gotten in trouble with the law because of actions undertaken in anger, that could also point to having anger problems.

Anger is a powerful emotion that does a lot of interesting things to your body. It can:

• Make your heart beat faster.
• Increase your blood pressure.
• Release adrenaline and the stress hormone cortisol into your system.
• Cause muscle tension.

When your body is exposed to chronic anger, it can result in a weakened immune system, heart problems, and other health issues that can be caused by unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Anger problems can also be present when a person represses or denies their anger and is afraid to express their feelings. Struggling to express your needs or expressing them in passive-aggressive ways, like sulking or giving the silent treatment, also points to an unhealthy relationship with anger. Anger problems are also present if a person holds onto resentment, grudges, and bitterness.

What Anger Problems Do to Your Well-being

As you can imagine, being angry a lot of the time and struggling to cope well with your anger will cause a lot of damage in your life. It can affect your physical and mental health, result in broken relationships, and mess up your prospects. It can even lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like binge-eating, avoiding problems, acting out, taking out your feelings on others, or substance abuse. All of these only worsen the situation.

Anger is the sort of emotion that can unravel your life if you yield to its every impulse. When you feel angry, the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline makes you feel like you need to react. This may include trying to regain control by shouting or swearing, breaking or throwing things, or hurting other people as a way to feel safe. All this undermines your well-being and ability to be an effective image-bearer.

Handling Anger Problems Effectively

Anger makes for a good servant, but it’s a poor master. Anger has been compared to fire, which can be used in many helpful ways. However, it’s useful as long as it’s kept under control; otherwise, it wreaks untold havoc. Without self-control, anger can leave a person’s life desolate.

Some tips for handling anger problems effectively include the following:

Acknowledge and recognize anger in your life Don’t deny that you’re feeling angry. Learn to pinpoint the signs of anger and go beyond that by learning what triggers your anger. This will help you prepare for those triggers when they happen.

Learn relaxation techniques When you’re in the moment and feeling angry, the best thing to do is to calm yourself and find ways to let your hackles down. Take a step back when you’re feeling angry, and use techniques like deep breathing, visualization, a brisk walk, or progressive muscle relaxation to slow things down and create space to engage the situation in a healthy way.

Pinpoint and disrupt unhelpful patterns Often, people can settle into unhealthy patterns of thought and behavior that make them prone to anger. If you think your coworkers are idiots, or if you think this situation spells the end, your reaction will be skewed by that distorted thinking, and you’ll be primed for anger. Recognize, challenge, and reframe the negative thoughts, learning to practice gratitude in all circumstances.

Learn effective communication Anger can spring up where there are unclear expectations or needs that aren’t communicated. Share what you need clearly, assertively, and respectfully, without resorting to hyperbole, ridicule, or attempts to manipulate or shame others. Using “I” statements can help create accountability for your feelings without sounding accusatory.

Practice forgiveness and seek support Practicing forgiveness releases you from resentment and hurt, which can distort your perceptions of people and situations. If anger is derailing your life, speak to a loved one or to a trusted professional such as an anger management therapist.

Your therapist can help you understand why you’re angry, guiding you to grow and learn to manage your anger better. With time and adequate support, you can learn to manage your anger well and handle anger problems effectively.”Clenched Fist” Courtesy of Curated Lifestyle, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License;

If you don’t have a therapist, feel free to contact our reception team to schedule an appointment with me or another counselor in our online directory. We would be happy to guide you as you address anger from a faith-based perspective. Reach out today to learn more.