PTSD and Relationships: Coming Alongside Your Loved One with PTSD

We all experience feelings of anxiety occasionally; from low levels of stress to sometimes even crushing anxiety. These feelings can vary in intensity and duration and what triggers them will also differ from person to person.

For some people, being called upon in class or during a work meeting is terrifying, while for others meeting new people or being in crowds can make them anxious. Therefore, anxiety can ebb and flow depending on circumstances. However, for some individuals, anxiety never lets up.

There are times when a person’s anxiety is so bad that it impedes their day-to-day functioning, diminishing their sense of well-being. When anxiety is like this, you should consider visiting a health professional, who can help you understand the reasons for your anxiety and find skills to help you to better manage it.

PTSD is one form of anxiety that can affect one’s relationships significantly and lessen your quality of life. The good news is that a trained therapist assist you in lessening the severity of these symptoms.

PTSD and Its Causes

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a serious mental health condition that’s caused when a person witnesses or is involved in an extremely stressful or terrifying event that involves actual or threatened death.

Sometimes, even when a person learns about such an event and is not directly involved, it could lead to PTSD, which is considered secondary trauma. PTSD can result from events like serious injury, sexual violence, war, physical assault, childhood abuse, traffic accidents, or being threatened with a weapon.

It is not altogether clear why some people experience traumatic events and get PTSD, while others do not. At the root of PTSD, there may be a few possible causes, and some of these include the severity of trauma you’ve experienced in your life, your temperament, whether you have a family history of anxiety and depression, and how your own body and brain respond to stressful events.

The Signs of PTSD

The signs of PTSD will vary depending on the person, and they may also change over time. These symptoms may show up in the space of three months following the experience of a traumatic event, but sometimes these symptoms will appear after years have elapsed.

Some of the signs of PTSD include avoidance, changed emotional and physical reactions, intrusive memories and thoughts, and negative changes in one’s mood and thinking. The following are reactions you may experience after a traumatic event.

Avoidance

You may find yourself avoiding certain places, people, activities, sounds, smells, or experiences that remind you of the traumatic event. You may also avoid thinking or talking about the event.

Changed emotional and physical reactions

Trauma can make you sensitive to things like sounds and smells. You may be easily frightened or startled by sounds like a car backfiring. You may find yourself sweating, shaking, having a rapid heartbeat, or shallow breathing. You may also have trouble concentrating or sleeping and find yourself being easily irritated or aggressive.

Intrusive memories and thoughts

You may find yourself having flashbacks and reliving the traumatic event. Upsetting, unwanted memories and thoughts about the event may haunt you, and you may also have nightmares about the event.

Negative changes in your mood and thinking

After the traumatic event, you may find yourself experiencing emotions such as shame, blame, guilt, fear, or anger. You could also feel emotionally numb and detached from your loved ones. The activities you used to enjoy might not hold the same appeal as before, and you may struggle to feel enjoyable or positive emotions about yourself, others, or the world.

PTSD and Relationships: Common Effects

When a person suffers from PTSD, it may affect many aspects of their personality and way of being in the world. One of the consequences of PTSD is that it will likely affect how they relate to others. For instance, the barrage of negative emotions that one feels may lead one to act in unhealthy ways, such as anger outbursts. Loved ones might react to this negatively, which might reinforce or trigger further symptoms in a vicious cycle.

PTSD may result from various kinds of trauma, but PTSD resulting from relationship-based trauma can make other relationships more difficult. Trauma such as sexual assault or abuse, the injury or death of a loved one, and emotional or physical abuse can make it hard for someone to feel comfortable in other relationship situations.

If a person is feeling emotionally numb, that could isolate them from their loved ones. Additionally, to try and overcome that numbness, some will turn to sex to feel alive. If this occurs outside the context of a marriage or committed relationship, that betrayal will affect the relationship by severely undermining trust and the social support that flows from it.

PTSD can affect one’s ability to communicate and nurture intimacy with others. If you don’t feel relaxed or at ease around other people, you may become detached from them or push them away. Sometimes, feelings such as anger or irritability may erupt in outbursts, being critical of loved ones, or in emotional and physical abuse of those loved ones.

A person with PTSD may also become more dependent on their loved ones due to their own diminished capacity to care effectively for themselves. This may create additional strains on relationships and one’s social network. Loved ones may become distressed at seeing the individual losing themselves, or they may be physically present but emotionally absent.

Coming Alongside Your Loved One with PTSD

When your loved one has PTSD, it can be challenging in a variety of ways. However, you don’t have to walk alongside them on your own, because there are resources available to help you support them well. Coping with trauma is an ongoing process. There is no set timeframe for when things will get better. It helps to have support and guidance as you seek to love and be present for the one you love.

If your loved one has PTSD, a mental health professional must assess them to ascertain what’s going on. Encourage them to speak with a doctor or a mental health professional and get assessed for further steps such as counseling. Take the time to listen well to what your loved one is saying, reassuring them that you’re right there with them.

It is important for you to remember that you’re not ultimately responsible for your loved one’s condition and that you can’t fix them or the situation. Be a supportive listener without pushing them toward a particular solution or outcome, or beyond their comfort zone if they’re unwilling to talk about certain things with you. You can take breaks in your conversations and follow up later, especially if the conversation gets too emotionally intense for them.

You can seek help for your loved one if they begin talking about suicide, or they act in ways that suggest they might attempt suicide. Be calm, stay with them to ensure they aren’t left alone, and get help from a trained professional as soon as you’re able. You can quietly and discreetly remove anything that could be used to commit suicide or self-harm, including knives, firearms, or pills. Call 911 or a suicide hotline to get help.

You need to take care of yourself as you support your loved one. This will help you to cope better with the rigors of taking care of them and provide you with the needed capacity to regulate your own emotions. Take time off where possible and make time to savor the things you enjoy. Be willing to accept help from other people and create a support network to help you care for your loved one, to avoid burnout.

In addition to the above, you can also help your loved one by learning more about PTSD from reliable sources such as trained and licensed mental health professionals. If your loved one goes for counseling and their counselor develops a treatment plan for them, encourage your loved one to follow that plan. Through trauma counseling, your loved one can receive the support and guidance they need to cope better with the symptoms of PTSD.

Getting Help for PTSD and Relationships

If you are ready to get help for yourself or your loved one regarding PTSD and relationships or other concerns, please contact our office today to schedule a time with me or one of the other trained counselors at our location. Although anxiety and PTSD can sometimes leave us feeling overwhelmed, they can often be significantly helped with the help of a skilled, compassionate therapist.