Relationship Advice for Women in Their Twenties

Forget about what the rom-coms tell you; your twenties do not have to be about finding “the one” you want to spend the rest of your life with. This important, beautiful time in your life can be focused on learning about yourself and your God-given purpose.

Find direction

Many children have elaborate dreams of being a glamorous fashion designer or a charitable doctor. However, as the high school years draw to a close and kids are confronted with adulthood, many of those dreams slip away or are dismissed as unrealistic childhood fantasies. And some are, especially the one about having a pet unicorn. But just because reality has rudely interrupted your original plan, it doesn’t mean all your dreams have to disappear.

Too many young women allow their pursuit of a relationship to overshadow their individual plans for the future. They narrowly focus on finding the right man to share their life with, and they ignore building a foundation for that life.

Casual dating can help enrich your life, but prioritizing finding a mate can be a distraction. Instead of focusing on relationships, pray for direction for your own life. Explore all those childhood dreams.

Intern at a fashion house or sign up for that intimidating microbiology class. Though pursuing your dreams might feel intimidating, the future might thank you for sacrificing now for big payoffs later.

Go about your Father’s business

If you want to find a good Christian man, then get involved in doing the Lord’s work. God created Eve when He saw that Adam needed a helpmate. If you pursue the Kingdom of God, He may just send the right person to complement your ministry.

When you pursue God, not only are you aligned with God’s will, but you are naturally in places where you will meet like-minded people. If you want to meet someone who loves music, join the worship team. If you love children, volunteer for the Children’s ministry. You might meet your future husband, who also dreams of starting a family.

Likewise, avoid places that might attract the wrong type of men. If you spend your free time dancing at a club, you’re going to find men who also prioritize these activities. And while a relationship built on shared hobbies can be fun, typically these types of relationships aren’t as rich and fulfilling (or long-lasting) as those based on shared values.

Define your non-negotiables

While dating the hottest celebrity crush may have appealed to you in your teen years, outside appearance and status are not really what you should be looking for in a long-term romantic partner. When you’re in your twenties, it’s a good time to deliberately define what you really do need from a life partner (not just what appeals on the surface).

Prayerfully jot down what attributes you need in a future mate. Determine your non-negotiables from your preferences. Be ruthlessly honest with yourself about your needs and the few things that are absolute deal-breakers.

Reference scripture and seek God through prayer as you create and refine your list. And then use this resource as your own personal relationship guide. Every person you date should be measured against this standard. This will prevent you from wasting time on relationships that don’t meet your needs or your standards.

Learn to communicate

The bedrock of social interactions is communication. And because language and non-verbal communication are so vitally important, it’s wise to learn how to use them effectively. You don’t have to take an interpersonal communications class (though it might be helpful) to become an expert communicator. Read frequently. Study passive, aggressive, and assertive communication styles. Learn about positive conflict resolution techniques and how to be an active listener.

These skills, while they may seem elementary, are quite complicated. In your twenties, practicing them daily is the greatest gift you can give to your future marriage. A healthy relationship isn’t defined by the absence of conflict, but by the way you and your partner choose to resolve it. And you can start now to learn how to become an amazing wife.

Say “no” to missionary dating

While it’s noble to want to reach out to people, to introduce them to the Lord, there’s a potential danger in missionary dating. You might be entering the relationship with pure intentions, but it’s easy to confuse romantic feelings with spiritual convictions.

Your job in evangelism is to share the Gospel, not date someone into the Kingdom of God. “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, NIV).

What does that mean? The warning originates from Old Testament law (Deuteronomy 22:10), where farmers were forbidden to plow with two different kinds of animals, such as an ox and a donkey, yoked together. In the dating context, this means that you are not to be bound in marriage with someone who doesn’t share your core spiritual beliefs.

Just like when plow animals are not equally yoked, you will only go in circles instead of reaching your destination. And one partner, the believer, will carry the majority of the emotional and spiritual load. When a Christian, whose ultimate goal is to pursue Christ and holiness, is bound to someone who prioritizes worldly pursuits, you invite conflict and separation.

Seek professional help

This decade of self-discovery and foundation building is the perfect time to seek professional mental health therapy. A Christian therapist can help you determine your goals and create a roadmap for reaching them. They can help you work through any lingering emotional trauma from childhood and teach you coping skills that can be useful tools throughout the rest of your life.

Don’t have sex outside of marriage

If you’re a Christian, you’ve likely been told that sexual relations, though invented by God, should only happen within the confines of marriage. Sex is a “one flesh” covenant introduced in Genesis 2:24 and reiterated by Jesus (Matthew 19:5). Being one flesh with your mate is the ultimate seal of the marriage covenant, and by reserving that act for marriage, you’re affirming your commitment.

Even if you’re not a Christian, this is a good policy to live by. When couples wait to have sexual relationships, they develop better communication skills, leading to greater relationship stability.

If you engage in sexual activity early in a relationship, you will form a deeper commitment not because of compatibility or love, but because sex is a deeply bonding activity. This false bond can cloud your judgment and make it more difficult to make wise and deliberate decisions about the relationship.

Bloom where you’re planted

As much as your twenties are a strategic planning phase for your life, they are also a decade of freedom for most people. In the middle of finalizing your education and making career moves, you need to pause and enjoy the beauty of the here and now. If you fall into the “waiting” mindset, focusing only on what’s next, you will miss the opportunities in front of you.

Live fully in your current season by exploring everything you wanted to do “someday”. When you’re a child, you can’t take a solo car trip or get a tattoo. But your early adulthood not only provides you with the ability to fulfill some of these dreams, but also the opportunity.

You don’t know what the future holds, so seize the season you’re in. Ten years from now, you may be married, tied to a job, or raising children, and these dreams may not be feasible.

The world is your oyster

Your twenties are a time of possibility and opportunity. With most of your life still ahead of you, you can make strategic plans now that will help you later. And it’s a wonderful decade of exploration as you dig deeper into what it means to be a Christ follower, daughter, friend, future spouse, and yourself.

As you work through the traumas and challenges of the past and draw closer to God, you will discover not only your potential but your purpose. Future you will thank you! To learn more about how to spend your twenties wisely and to make an appointment with one of the Christian counselors in our network, contact our office today.