The Impacts of Birth Order

In the 1920s, Alfred Adler, a physician and psychotherapist, developed a theory on personality. His theory emphasized the influence a community (family, friendships, and society at large) has on an individual. Through Adler’s research and interviews, he noticed many commonalities in personality traits related to the birth order of children.

In particular, he noticed that the order in which a child is born in relation to their siblings can impact one’s personality traits and lifestyle. This theory, known as Birth Order Theory, categorizes personality traits based on a child’s position in the family. It identifies three main categories: firstborn, middleborn, and lastborn.

It is important to remember that while some aspects of Adler’s theory might apply to certain individuals, it does not necessarily hold true for everyone.

The Firstborn Child

First-time parents often have strong opinions on how a child should be raised. Putting those opinions into practice while raising their first child may involve significant trial and error. These parents were learning as they were raising a child.

Personality Traits of the Firstborn Child

The firstborn often experiences the parents growing up with them. They are the children who give their parents experience in child-rearing. This can lead to a strict and cautious upbringing. Being raised under that dynamic, they often become success-oriented.

The traits of firstborn children may include being:

• Mature
• Responsible
• Organized
• Leaders
• High achieving
• Controlling
• Cautious
• Reliable
• Perfectionist

The firstborn child experienced having the parents to themselves and getting all the attention. This also meant that the firstborn was more than likely subjected to stricter rules. Being the oldest child sometimes means a greater expectation to set a good example for the younger siblings.

The Middleborn Child

The child born between the first and last is typically referred to as the middle child. Some families have more than one middle child. The middle child has lived a life sharing everything. They don’t know what it is to have their parents to themselves. This means they have learned how to get what they want through negotiating.

Personality Traits of the Middleborn Child

Between the older and younger siblings is the middleborn child, who because of their position in the family can feel overlooked, or experience feelings of inferiority. This is said to influence the path of the middle child as they pursue life. However, this can also lead to greater mediation skills and independence as they develop their own unique personality.

Common traits of the middle child(ren):

• Adaptable
• Competitive
• Creative
• Generous
• Social
• Rebellious
• People pleasers
• Insecure
• Independent
• Jealous

Middle children often get along well with others. They may grow up to become peacemakers and nurturers. Another skill the middle child will develop is creativity. This results from learning how to adapt to boredom. They have learned how to participate in independent activities when they are unnoticed by parents or siblings.

The Lastborn Child

No matter how many middle children a family may have, there is only one youngest child; the baby of the family. The youngest child typically gets more attention from the parents as the older children are becoming more independent.

Personality Traits of the Youngest Child

The youngest child has grown accustomed to being the center of attention. Their siblings are busy, so they get more attention from parents and are more spoiled. The youngest has experienced being raised by parents who are no longer learning and tend to have a more relaxed approach to parenting.

Because parents aren’t as strict as they were with their firstborn, younger children experience some freedoms that the older siblings did not have when they were growing up. As a result, the youngest child may develop a charming, laid-back personality.

Common traits of the youngest child:

• Outgoing
• Charming
• Relaxed
• Creative
• Dependent
• Adventurous
• Persistent
• Self-centered

The Only Child

Only children, without siblings to share their parents’ attention, often develop personality traits during childhood that resemble those of adults. This is similar to that of being the firstborn, but the only child does not interact with younger siblings. These children also learn how to engage in various activities to battle boredom.

Personality Traits of an Only Child

The only child has grown accustomed to being at the center of attention. They have no siblings, so they are the center of the family. Even though these children are around other children at school, they tend to mimic the behaviors of the parents and other adults they interact with at home.

If an only child does not have adequate peer support, this can also lead to difficulty socializing with other children. Additionally, being the sole focus can lead to higher expectations, which can result in traits like a firstborn. Only children may be less competitive since they have no siblings.

Common traits of an only child:

• Sensitive
• Leader
• Confident
• Loyal
• Mature
• Thoughtful
• Self-reliant
• Perfectionist
• Diligent
• Imaginative

Parents may be overprotective of their only child, making the child more dependent on them. They may develop selfish behaviors because they do not have to share attention or belongings,

Birth Order and Its Lifestyle Impact

Birth order traits are said to influence other areas of life. Even though children have been raised in the same household, they may develop unique mindsets about everyday life. These mindsets can affect relationships, intelligence, and mental health.

Impact on Relationships

Depending on the family dynamics and gender, birth order can impact how a child forms connections with other people, even into adulthood. This may affect relationships in the following ways:

Communication

• Firstborn and only children are more direct in their communication. This can be interpreted as bossy and controlling.
• Middle children are less likely to engage in conflict and want to find a way to please everyone.
• Younger children tend to focus on their sense of humor and charm to engage in social conversations.

Expectations

• Firstborns often develop high expectations of themselves as well as other people.
• Middle children try to find a balanced dynamic in their relationships and seek to treat everyone fairly.
• The youngest child expects to be allowed to “do what they do”, which can strain relationships.

Roles

• Firstborns typically embody the caregiver role and can cause people to feel either cared for or “parented.”
• Middle children take on an easygoing mindset and are more flexible.
• The youngest child is less strict and more carefree.

Mental Health

The research on the relationships between birth order and mental health is ongoing and the findings are not conclusive. Many factors can influence one’s mental health such as biological, genetic, and environmental factors.

Next Steps

As children grow up, their personalities are continually shaped by their experiences and how they respond to them. Birth order does influence some behaviors as a child grows into adulthood. This does not mean that Adler’s theory is accurate for each child, but this theory does hold value in some perspectives about the roles and tendencies of siblings based on birth order. Each person is shaped by faith and their life experiences.

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. – Psalm 127:3, ESV

As a counselor working with adolescents and their families, I’ve personally found birth order theory to be a valuable tool. It helps me recognize potential patterns in family dynamics and individual personalities, which can be insightful for both parents and teens.

If you are interested in meeting with a counselor to learn more about yourself and your family or about any struggles you may be going through, I would love to partner with you. Please call our office to schedule a risk-free session.