Unrealistic Expectations of People with Depression

Depression is often complex and confusing. It can be challenging to identify, and not everyone knows how to cope with it, whether it is in themselves, a loved one, or an employee. People dealing with depression often do not realize that they are depressed or else cannot easily articulate their experiences to others, which can leave a lot of space for misunderstanding.

It is common to have unrealistic expectations of people with depression, but it is possible to correct these expectations by learning about depression and how to approach those who are struggling with it.

Depression in All Its Forms

Depression appears in various forms and for many different reasons. While it can be a component of other mental or physical illnesses, such as mood disorders or chronic diagnoses, sometimes it can be either related to seasons or for seemingly no reason at all. Some people feel mild depression at certain times of the year, month, or day.

In those cases, depression is linked to the seasons, weather, or something happening inside a person’s body. Other times, a person can find themselves struggling with low energy and no interest in life, with little cause as to why they are experiencing depression. If it is connected to something broader or unseen, it is not always simple to understand or cope with.

It is important to keep in mind that depression is real, it is common, and it exists on a complicated spectrum. Some depression arises seemingly out of nowhere and is easy to cope with, while other depression is debilitating and life-changing, crippling a person and causing them to lose all interest and hope in life.

Almost all depression is treatable with a combination of medication, therapy, diet, exercise, and life changes. However, sometimes it’s necessary to treat the surrounding problems that are attached to depression.

Unrealistic Expectations of People with Depression

If people with depression do not know that they are depressed, then parents, coworkers, employers, and friends might not realize it either. We might assume that our friend is giving us the cold shoulder as they decline invites to hang out, or that our teen son is being extra moody these days. We might wonder why, as a new parent, we are feeling utterly devoid of joy despite having just had our first child. Shouldn’t we feel energized and excited about life right now?

The truth is that commonly, people have unrealistic expectations of those with depression due to misdiagnosis, a misunderstanding of depression, or a combination of the two. However, in an attempt to avoid these, it is imperative to gain knowledge and information that can hopefully help.

Regardless of the type, where it stems from, or what it’s connected to, there are many common characteristics of depression. These include having little to no energy, even for enjoyable things; struggling to focus or finish tasks; a bleak outlook on life; and sometimes a change in personality.

We might want to be patient and have grace for people with depression, but when we don’t understand how it affects someone, we will likely end up expecting more from them than they are able to give. Our unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment, frustration, or hurt. The depressed person may feel misunderstood, judged, insecure, and even more alone.

Here are some unrealistic expectations that people commonly have of their children, coworkers, employees, or friends who are dealing with depression:

Expecting Them to Snap Out of It Some depression passes momentarily because it is attached to things that change, like the weather, a person’s health, or a situation in their lives. However, more often than not, depression is a long-term issue that is hard to cope with, even when receiving medication or therapy.

The thought, “If they could ‘snap out of it’ or get over it, they would; no one chooses to deal with depression” can be harmful. Implying that a person has a choice or an option to simply get rid of their depression also suggests that they are choosing not to do so. This is an uninformed and hurtful notion. In most cases, a person struggling with depression would “get rid” of their depression if they had a choice.

Expecting Them to Stick to Their Routines People dealing with depression are often doing the best they can with the dwindling resources of energy, focus, and commitment. They might be focusing all of their efforts on showing up to work or school or being present in a relationship while neglecting things like appearance, health, or hygiene.

Simple everyday tasks can feel like insurmountable obstacles. Most people struggling with depression do not have the capacity to follow through or focus on daily tasks or routines.

Expecting Them to Maintain Their Standards or Quality of Work If people struggling with depression cannot maintain daily chores, they surely will not have the energy to keep up their standards or quality of work. They might have been engaged and driven before, and to see the change to being unfocused and lax, might be an extreme one.

This once again proves just how detrimental depression can be and that it is not a choice. The person would not have chosen to slack off if they were once passionate about their careers or school. Depression causes people to conserve what little energy they have so that they can make it through the day. Projects, studies, assignments, and work will inevitably suffer as they try to remain functional in their daily lives.

Expecting Them to be Interested in Socializing One of the first things people tend to do as they face depression is to withdraw from social and extracurricular activities. Though they might have been outgoing and lively before, they may have no interest in being in loud, busy, lively places now.

This does not mean that they have abandoned their friendship or relationship with you. It means that if you want to connect with them now, it is better to arrange quiet one-on-one hangouts or ones that require little effort or energy. Keep in mind that they might not want to invite you to their place if cleaning, laundry, and other chores have been a struggle.

Expecting Them to Contribute Meaningfully to Friendships It is not easy to help a friend, partner, or spouse cope with depression. Sometimes we just cannot help them the way we would like. When they are going through a depressive mode, we have to be the ones to step up and do what we can for the friendship.

Often this means that we must remain humble, generous, gracious, and patient. We must be the ones to make efforts, pick up the slack, or be the first ones to text and check in on them. We might feel hurt, but in the grand scheme of the relationship, we are loving them through hard times.

Adjusting Expectations

When a person is ill with a sickness that requires hospitalization, you would not expect them to show up for work, look presentable, or accept your invitation to dinner because they are incapacitated in a bed, receiving round-the-clock care to survive. Depression is a potentially life-threatening illness, and though it frequently requires hospitalization, most people who suffer from depression are seen as healthy and simply expected to cope.

We might not understand all the details of depression even after learning more about it. We might struggle to understand how it affects us or others. However, it is never a bad thing to be more patient and compassionate. If in doubt, it is best to err on the side of kindness and adjust your expectations of what people are capable of.

Whether you are the one dealing with depression or you are supporting a loved one through a depressive episode, it can be an isolating, exhausting, and scary experience, no matter how much you have learned about it. You might benefit from talking to someone about it and sharing that burden.

If you would like someone to help you on the journey to understanding or coping with depression, reach out to our office today. We can connect you with a licensed counselor, like me, who can meet with you and assist you in managing whatever situation you find yourself in.