What to Know About Women’s Insecurities

Women are plagued by insecurity. Whether we develop women’s insecurities over time, starting in childhood or more recently, women struggle to manage self-esteem and confidence. Insecurity can lead to other mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and eating disorders.

Before we can overcome women’s insecurities, we need to know the causes and signs.

The Causes of Women’s Insecurities

Identifying the causes behind women’s insecurities can help you find ways to manage the behavior. If you know why you feel insecure and act a certain way, you are that much closer to changing the behavior and negative thoughts. A counselor can assist you in moving forward, overcoming the past, and stepping around triggers.

Low self-esteem and self-worth

Women with low self-esteem do not believe, or no longer believe, in themselves or their capabilities. They doubt their talents and intelligence. They harbor destructive beliefs and devalue themselves. Low self-esteem and low self-worth can lead to insecure behaviors, including verbally attacking others to make themselves feel better.

Failure, rejection, and disappointment

Repeated failures, rejection, and disappointments rob a woman of confidence. This can also include significant or publicized failures and rejection, like the loss of a company or the end of a highly publicized relationship.

Women who have lost a job, faced eviction or bankruptcy, or were involved in a toxic relationship may develop insecurities. Getting over failure or rejection is similar to the grieving process of moving through denial (shock), anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Counseling is an excellent option for dealing with failure and rejection.

Past abuse

Physical, emotional, or verbal abuse will rob a woman of the basic need for security and safety. When you do not feel like your need for safety is being met, it is nearly impossible to focus on other things. Confidence and self-esteem drop. Even if the abuse was long ago, the effects can still linger.

You begin to feel worthless, unloved, and unwanted. But remember, Jesus loves you and wants a personal relationship with you. He wants you to be healthy and in a relationship that mirrors His love for you. If you are involved in a toxic relationship, seek help.

Comparison to others on social media

It is hard for a woman not to compare herself to others when she is bombarded by images all day on social media. A woman will compare her body, appearance, clothes, home, work, and family to other women’s. She obsesses over flaws after admiring images of other women. This only strengthens her insecurities. This discontent continues to grow until it creates an unhealthy mental state.

Body image issues

All women have flaws, things they wish were different about their bodies. The difference is that insecure women obsess over their flaws to the point that it interferes with their daily activities. They may be afraid that others will laugh or make fun of them.

Perhaps they are afraid they will offend someone. They might be worried that others will reject them for their flaws. These women can develop social anxiety and isolate themselves at home to keep from facing potential (perceived) rejection and ridicule.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism is a monster that can hide procrastination and mask itself as productivity. However, no one is perfect, so women feel like they are running behind, are never good enough, or cannot do anything right. These negative beliefs compound into women’s insecurities.

Signs of insecurity

It might be easier to point out insecure behavior in another woman than in yourself. You will need to take an honest look at your thoughts and behaviors. Become mindful of your impulse to speak or act and the thoughts preceding those behaviors. You may recognize your actions in a few of the signs below.

Negative assumptions

This woman rushes to the worst possible scenario. She may start sentences with phrases like “I bet” or “Mark my words.” Her mind creates blown-out-of-proportion situations. She might judge others in a negative light.

For example, a new lawn company cuts her grass, and she tells other people (probably not the lawn company) that the workers work too fast because they do not like her. She may exaggerate the truth or outright lie to feed her assumptions.

Trusts few people

The insecure woman has probably been burned in the past, so she finds it difficult to trust people now. She may have a small inner circle of one or two people, but for the most part, she suspects others to be up to no good. Trust issues also link to her negative assumptions about people and situations. She may accuse others of negative behaviors without proof, relying on her thoughts as all the proof she needs.

Tries to one-up others

This insecure woman tries to convince herself and others that she is better than them or better at something. She may retell a story about being at the top of her field or winning awards with an air of superiority.

Her comments may sound kind in tone but can be backhanded compliments. This insecurity appears when others receive praise for a good job. This woman will remind others about her achievements while downplaying someone else’s hard work.

Requires attention

You might notice this woman at events where she is not the center of attention. She may cause drama or sulk until people wonder what is wrong with her. A part of her feels out of place and awkward, and she resents the attention going to someone else. She may fabricate lies to feed a narrative that focuses everyone on her.

For example, during a child’s birthday party, she may wander into an empty room or outside, away from the group, to sit until people come looking for her. She may give an innocent reason for her wandering off, but deep down, she is elated that people came to look for her.

Needs reassurance

A sign of women’s insecurities is the constant need for reassurance. This woman needs to hear validation to feed her esteem. She cannot provide her own confidence, so she turns to others to feel valid.

This is commonly seen on social media, where an insecure woman’s validation comes from the number of likes, comments, and shares she receives for her posts. She may ask others if she looks alright or constantly make negative remarks about herself or her work, so others will rush in and disagree.

Overdramatic behaviors

An insecure woman makes a mountain out of a molehill. She might complain constantly about something outside of her control. Her behavior may remind you of a toddler or tween who is not getting their way. She may pout, throw things, slam doors, and get out of the car.

Each one of her actions and moodiness is an attention-getter. She needs you to pay attention to her. She may have been neglected or abandoned in her past, and her fear of losing another person causes her to behave in a way that gives you no choice but to pay attention to her.

Criticizes others

To make herself feel better, the insecure woman criticizes others either to their face or behind their back. She doubts what others can do because she does not believe in her own talents and capabilities. She negatively assumes the worst about other people.

If you pay close attention, she will point out flaws in others that mirror her own. For example, she may complain about her husband’s hoarding or her female neighbor’s tight clothes, but in reality, she has an overspending problem and feels frumpy.

Are you struggling with insecurity?

Do you struggle with insecurity? Do any of the signs of women’s insecurities sound familiar? Contact me today so that I can help you begin the journey of learning about your true identity in Christ and the healing that is available for His children.

Below are some Scriptures on your identity in Christ to begin meditating on as you prepare for your upcoming counseling session:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. – 2 Corinthians 5:17, ESV

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. – Galatians 2:20, ESV

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. – 1 Peter 2:9, ESV

I look forward to meeting you.