Common Questions When Dealing with Grief and the Holidays

The holidays, like grief, are a mixed bag of unpredictable events and the emotions that grow from them. Put dealing with grief and important holidays like Christmas together and you have the recipe for a tumultuous and volatile storm of emotions. Throw in the pressure of expectations, family dynamics, financial obligations, dreary weather, and even more and you have a season that can be anything but merry and bright.

If you’re struggling this holiday season, you’re not alone. There are a variety of reasons why people struggle during the Christmas season and grieving a lost loved one is often a trigger. So much of the holidays are built on family and friends and love and tradition and when something interrupts those relational bonds, the loss can be significant. So where do you go from here?

Tips for Dealing with Grief During the Holidays

Here are some ideas on how to make you feel a little merrier this holiday season, even in the midst of your grief.

Be Realistic:

Understand that the holidays are tough for everyone, especially those who are missing someone special, so be kind to yourself, as you would be kind to others. Know that your experience will be different in those first few years without your loved one.

It’s impossible to recreate your special moments and duplicate your memories when a key person is missing. Accept this reality as fact and you will have less stress. Instead, focus on moving forward and creating new memorable moments.

Keep Expectations In Check:

You may be used to an amazing home-cooked dinner and a tree surrounded by gifts from loved ones. That was certainly a nice memory, but it doesn’t have to be the baseline on which you judge every future holiday.

Create new expectations for your holidays such as doing things to help the less fortunate or making deliberate time with Jesus. These types of expectations, while different from what you’re used to, are more obtainable and certainly more in line with what Christmas should be about.

Keep it Simple:

Complicated Christmases are also stressful Christmases. Streamline your holiday plans to include only those traditions and events that are the most meaningful and important to you.

You don’t have to attend every holiday event, every year. Only participate in the parts of Christmas that fulfill you and bring you joy. Don’t overspend on gifts or go over the top with decorations. Instead, focus on maintaining quality relationships with people who are important to you and forget the rest.

Force Some Happiness, But Not a Lot:

You can force yourself to have a little fun, even amid grief. It’s not disrespectful to your departed loved one to enjoy your life. Smile, even if you’re faking it, and force yourself to dance a jig or wear that “ugly” Christmas sweater, just for a giggle. These are healthy ways to infuse a little joy into your holiday.

But don’t expect yourself to have a “normal” holiday and then feel like you have failed if you feel sadness during this season, especially if your loss is recent. Accept that you need time to heal and be grateful for the small pleasures that bring you a little sparkle during the holidays.

Schedule a Meeting with Your Therapist:

Spending a little time with a therapist can make a big difference in how you process the holidays. A professional mental health specialist can help you by being a listening ear, providing a safe space, and offering unbiased advice as to how to maximize your holiday cheer and still honor your loved one.

The expectations to enjoy the “most wonderful time of the year” can add undue pressure onto an already sad situation. If you find yourself feeling down this holiday season, remember that you’re not alone and there is help available.

Grief is a uniquely personal experience and even those who have come to terms with the loss of their loved ones can struggle at Christmas time. The holidays have a way of magnifying the loss and catalyzing even deeper grief. It’s perfectly okay to celebrate or rest, cry or smile, or do exactly what you want to do during the challenging Christmas season.

Be gentle on yourself and get through the holidays in the way that best serves your own mental and emotional health. Remember that one way you can honor your departed loved one is to take care of yourself. Consider that a precious gift from them.

If dealing with grief is overwhelming you during the holiday season and you would like to speak to a counselor to get through it, contact our office today. Let the counselors at our location get you the help you need to walk through this season.