How to Control Anger Outbursts: Tips to Rein in Your Anger

When anger gets out of control, it can be destructive. Not only does it damage relationships, but chronic anger can also damage your health and well-being. If your anger is out of control, reining it in can make a significant difference in your ability to flourish.

Embracing Anger as Normal

We all get angry. What makes you angry won’t look the same as the next person, and what you do when you feel angry will also look different. Some people get enraged when they find their favorite brand of product out at the store. Other people lose their cool when a gadget like a lawnmower or can opener doesn’t do what it’s supposed to. Others see the exploitation of others and find themselves feeling outraged.

You might look at something that annoys, frustrates, or infuriates another person and wonder, “What’s the big deal?” Other people might also look at what angers you and wonder the same thing. We all carry different sets of values and needs, and these will often inform us when and why we get angry. Our anger is usually a reaction to something we care about being threatened in one way or another.

Anger functions as part of our emotional makeup. It’s a tool that alerts us when we or the things we care about are under threat, or when an important boundary is being violated. In other words, anger helps you to navigate your surroundings well, and it has value to that end.

Knowing When Your Anger Is Out of Control

While we all get angry in different ways and for different reasons, there are a few ways to tell whether anger is getting the best of us, and it is now out of control. Some of these might surprise you because in our heads we presume that anger looks, acts, and feels a certain way and that as long as we’re not doing that, we’re okay.

Some of the ways to tell that anger is out of control in your life include the following:

Anger leads the way

If you look at major decisions that you’ve made, turning points in your life, or certain losses you’ve incurred, and anger is at the root of them, your anger might be out of control. Anger can and should inform our actions, but it shouldn’t lead the way. Your anger ought to be informed and tempered by other considerations.

You’ve caused damage while angry

Anger is one of those emotions that drives you to act in some way. By triggering hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol, anger fires you up and it feels only natural to act on that. However, anger diminishes your judgment, and you can say as well as do foolish and hurtful things when you’re angry. Anger can lead to verbal and physical abuse and violence, which makes any relationship feel unsafe.

Anger is a constant companion

There are many things out there that can and do go wrong. However, there is a choice in how one chooses to interpret events and respond to them. If you find yourself constantly feeling angry, then your anger is out of control.

You’re afraid of your anger

Believe it or not, anger, like our other emotions, is meant to be expressed. The issue is often that we express our anger in inappropriate ways, including shouting, hitting, or making threats. If you are afraid of your anger or of what you might do if you get angry, that also points to the possibility that your anger is out of control.

You can’t express your anger openly

Some people bottle their anger inside or express it covertly. Passive-aggressive behavior is as much an anger issue as being hostile and violent toward others. Alternatively, directing your anger at yourself by punishing yourself, through starving, hitting, or cutting yourself are all unhealthy expressions of anger.

These are just some of the ways you can tell if your anger is out of control.

Strategies and Tips for Getting Anger Under Control

Getting your anger under control isn’t about eliminating anger from your life or suppressing it so that you never express it in any way. Anger ought to be expressed, but it can be expressed in clear and constructive ways without harming yourself or other people in the process. One of the things people are taught in anger management counseling is how to assert themselves clearly so that they are heard while doing so calmly and respectfully.

Anger is an emotion that has many roots, so an effective strategy to control it will include addressing its various triggers. For instance, a person’s interpretation of events can exacerbate feelings of anger, so exploring why the event was interpreted the way it was would be important. Some things affect how a person handles anger the moment that it flares up.

Some strategies for getting anger under control to prevent outbursts include the following:

Self-care

Going to bed and waking up at a consistent time can help you in bringing anger under control. Your ability to regulate your emotions is affected by things such as getting good sleep. Making sure you’re well rested is a powerful tool to bring anger under control.

In the same way, making sure you eat healthy meals regularly so that you’re not overly hungry can also help you regulate your emotions. Regular exercise also helps with emotional regulation. Exercise can help you reduce the cortisol levels in your body as well as elevate your mood through the release of endorphins.

Taking care of yourself gives you that extra margin you need to help you manage your emotions better. Having the capacity to stop yourself one second short of letting anger take the lead can be a game changer.

Giving yourself space

Sometimes what you need in a given moment is space to walk away and breathe. When you feel yourself getting hot under the collar, you don’t always have to stay in the situation. You can step into the next room, leave that email without responding to it, or you can go for a walk to cool off. Having the discipline to walk away can help you control anger outbursts.

Reframe the situation

When something has happened that could lead you toward anger, reframing things can help you bring anger under control. If you lean into generalizations (“This always happens”), catastrophize (“My day and my life are ruined”), or label others disparagingly (“This guy is an idiot”), you’re more likely to get angry.

Take a moment to breathe and reframe what happened. You can see the moment differently by finding humor in the situation, exercising empathy, or considering the other person’s perspective. Likewise, taking the moment in isolation and not jumping to conclusions about the other person’s words or actions will go a long way in de-escalating the situation.

Prepare in advance

If you take the time to journal or reflect at the end of each day, you might be able to discern patterns in your emotional state and responses. You may find that on some days you’re angrier than others; that could be due to the interactions you’re having, how much sleep you’ve had, or the activities you’re involved in. When you can discern these anger triggers, you can prepare for them in advance.

Seek professional help

There are many reasons why anger flares up. Sometimes, anger is merely a symptom of a condition like depression or bipolar disorder, or it could be the result of stress. Medications can also increase irritability or aggression as a side effect. Anger could also be the result of unresolved childhood trauma. This means that it might take work to uncover the root cause of your anger.

Seeking the help of a healthcare professional is a great step because they can get to the heart of the matter to help you understand your anger better. Anger management counseling can provide you with tools to effectively control your anger and learn how to express it constructively. Anger outbursts can be a thing of the past in your life.

Reach out for help

If you are ready to get a better handle on your anger, reach out to our offices today. We can set up an appointment with an anger management counselor from our directory. They can help you handle your anger better.