Freeing Ourselves from the Effects of Trauma

Sometimes, we struggle to move past the effects of trauma, no matter how long ago it happened. Some trauma shapes who we are and how we think, while other times, trauma keeps us stuck in fear and mistrust. We might not realize the extent to which we were affected by a single event, whether it was recent or happened in our childhood. Likewise, we might dismiss our experiences while actually being deeply affected by what happened.

It is possible to free ourselves from the effects of trauma and reshape our thinking, but we might have to reframe our experiences and acknowledge where we feel stuck.

A Damaged Sapling

Younger people seem to be more resilient to trauma. They may appear as well-adjusted adults who seem to be unaffected by their past. However, some traumatic episodes are the same as taking an ax to a tree. A single ax blow will damage a fully grown tree, but the tree won’t likely fall because of it. A young sapling of a tree, however, will be damaged to the point of growing entirely differently from how it would have otherwise, just from a single blow.

We experience trauma in different ways and at different times in our lives. Some trauma comes in the form of a single incident, such as an instance of abuse, a death, an illness, or an accident. Other traumas are ongoing and become a part of our daily lives, like chronic illness, poverty, or ongoing abuse. How we frame the word trauma has a lot to do with the effect it has on us.

This is important because people tend to dismiss their experiences, whether as adults or children. They don’t classify what they went through as “trauma” simply because they survived the events without hardship.

Just because a person was resilient does not mean they did not sustain damage, particularly if it happened to them as children. The trauma might have shaped them just as an ax shapes a tree. If they could understand this, they might better understand themselves.

Stuck Points in Trauma

When a person has lived with the effects of trauma for so long, they might struggle to see that their situation is abnormal or that they have become stuck. It is the same as seeing a tree that is twisted or stunted and simply assuming that it is its natural shape. Other times, however, they might be aware that they are shaped differently and even connect it to the trauma they experienced, but don’t know what to do about it.

Even when we are aware of how the trauma has affected us, we don’t always understand the full scope of its shape or the mark it left on us. Every traumatic incident affects a person uniquely.

However, we frequently tend to develop the same beliefs and instincts as a result of the trauma. These beliefs become our stuck points. In other words, it is the beliefs that come out of trauma that become snares for us, holding us back from growing and healing. Some examples include:

Struggles with Intimacy

People can struggle with intimacy in their relationships, and it is not always because they went through trauma. Intimacy problems might be a result of preferences, personality types, or attachment styles. Sometimes, however, our attachment styles, preferences, and even our personalities are informed by the traumatic episodes we had as children, teens, or adults.

Some people pursue relationships but run as soon as commitment is required of them. Others dive too quickly into relationships, committing too soon and becoming too reliant on their friends or partners. Unafraid to be alone, they might have new partners lined up ready for when the current relationship fails. Such behaviors are repeated on a loop until they are recognized as problematic. The person might need to ask what is causing them to act this way.

Feeling Unworthy

Some people have been verbally abused and told in no uncertain terms that they are not valued. Others have come to that conclusion on their own, based on inconsistent care, unreliable behavior from caregivers, or neglect from parents and family members. Trauma almost always affects a person’s sense of self-worth, and dealing with low self-esteem is almost always a “stuck point” for people.

Distrust of Anyone with a Position of Power

Kids automatically look to the adults around them for safety and comfort. Parents, teachers, and older peers are all people who are inherently worthy of trust in a child’s estimation. Children trust an adult until they are given good reason not to. This frequently translates to adulthood, where a person will struggle to trust anyone in a position of power, be it politicians, bosses, spiritual leaders, or senior people.

Distrust of Everyone

At a deeper level, trauma causes a person to withdraw from society, if not literally, then emotionally and mentally. In this way, unresolved trauma tends to go hand-in-hand with loneliness and a fierce sense of self-reliance. Put quite simply, they have had to rely on themselves for everything for so long that they cannot trust anyone else.

One of the many reasons that trauma can affect us for so long without us realizing it is that these “stuck points” can all look like positive tendencies. Low self-esteem can look like humility, mistrust of authority can seem logical given the many examples of poor leadership we have today, and self-reliance is often praised, even when it is covering a fear of trusting others.

It is only when we are challenged in any of these areas and react emotionally or disproportionately that we realize something else is happening beneath the surface.

The Feeling That the World Is a Dangerous Place to Live

Once again, it may seem logical to many people to deem the world an unsafe place to live. Some people even assert that they wouldn’t want to bring children into this world, given the state of it. Such statements are often a clear sign that they are somehow stuck in trauma.

At the foundation of trauma is a feeling of being unsafe. One may feel like the world and the people in it bring harm. It is an emotional picture of doomsday prepping: creating a safe place with only access to the traumatized individual. Then, they will fill it with resources and maybe a few carefully selected people to survive a catastrophe with.

As in the case of all Doomsday preppers, the anticipated disaster has already happened to them in the past, but they can’t see a future because they have trapped themselves in a bunker that resembles a prison that they themselves have built.

Becoming Unstuck

The good news is that it is possible to live freely, trust others, see ourselves as valuable people worthy of love. It is possible not to fear any sudden disaster. The tough news is that it is a long journey to learn to live this way. It requires digging deep and facing fears we never even knew we had.

Next Steps in Dealing With the Effects of Trauma

It is not a journey that we can walk alone. For many of us, the first challenge will be trusting someone else enough to talk about our past. We might be like trees harmed by axes, but unlike trees, we are able to heal and bear fruit, regardless of what we have gone through.

If you would like to begin or continue working on yourself with a qualified counselor, contact our offices. We have counselors available to meet you where you are and work with you through your trauma. Reach out to us today!