Self-Care for People with ADHD

Most people are simply trying to get by in life while facing pressures and stresses. Sometimes we feel like tiny boats trying to stay afloat on a raging sea. While life is stressful for everyone, people with ADHD and neurodiverse types face unique challenges on top of everything else.

If you have been feeling emotionally fragile, overwhelmed, and on edge recently, you might benefit from some much-needed self-care. A big part of understanding how ADHD affects you is identifying your particular struggles and the types of self-care you will most appreciate.

Understanding Your Window of Tolerance

Every person has a set of unique requirements that help them to feel emotionally regulated. This is called their window of tolerance. For example, parents of young children can withstand a lot of noise and chaos daily, provided they get some silence and alone time occasionally.

Even though they might be introverts with a preference for calmness and quiet, their window of tolerance has widened since becoming a parent. In other words, they can handle a lot more stress, provided they get a break now and then.

Neurodiverse people tend to have much narrower windows of tolerance. This means that they can become emotionally dysregulated by situations and circumstances that neurotypical people might consider to be “normal” or minor. For example, their mood might completely change because a small, background noise caused them to lose concentration on a task. They might break down as they consider all of the small household tasks they’ve been neglecting.

Inside their window of tolerance, a person feels calm and grounded and responds to challenges rather than reacting to them. Everyone strives to stay in their zone of emotional regulation, but life tends to serve up things that challenge their tolerance, whether at home, with friends, at the workplace, or in ordinary situations.

Those with ADHD often become so used to feeling emotionally dysregulated that it becomes their norm; they don’t know how to regain emotional stability. Step one of self-care for those with ADHD is to recognize when they are dysregulated.

Signs of Emotional Dysregulation in ADHD

If someone were asked, “How are you doing?” they might be able to answer honestly, “I’m not doing well.” Few people would be able to say why they are not feeling well or point to specific triggers they face. Whilst it is enough to know that you are emotionally dysregulated, it can be helpful to know exactly what emotional dysregulation looks like and how it affects you.

You might find yourself feeling irrationally angry and irritable all of the time, lashing out impatiently at those around you. Part of you feels bad about this because you don’t want to act this way around people you love and respect, while another part of you doesn’t know how to change. This is often a sign of ADHD exhaustion and dysregulation. Your window of tolerance has shrunk to become incredibly narrow.

Other signs of emotional dysregulation are physical exhaustion, a “noisy” sensation in your head, failure to concentrate on any tasks, big or small, and a tendency to shut down and dissociate even when you are in the middle of a conversation with someone. You might feel desperate to relax, but find that you can’t switch off your brain, even when doing an activity you enjoy.

If all of your reactions and responses are emotional, you are likely dysregulated. The good news is that you can help yourself become emotionally regulated again. The difficult news is that it won’t happen overnight.

Self-Care for Those with ADHD

Self-care is not about doing nice things for yourself occasionally. It is about developing new habits that will help you expand your window of tolerance so that you can be regulated more often. Practicing self-care takes some effort and possibly some changes in routine.

Eventually, you will be able to face challenges without feeling so stressed and without shutting down or dissociating. Self-care is a bit like going to the gym; it might feel difficult at first, but eventually, you will be using muscles you never knew you had.

One of the most helpful muscles you have to care for yourself as someone with ADHD is interoception. This is an instinct that everyone has, but that many people ignore. You can become intimately familiar with your mind, soul, and body, and know when and why you are dysregulated.

You might know that you feel dysregulated, but by developing your interoception, you will be able to know what is causing you stress and what things you can do to minimize the effects of it.

Self-Scans

A good practice to develop is to do a self-scan first thing in the morning and last thing before you go to sleep. It can be during a time of prayer or meditation. It could be in the shower, or any other time when you can spare a few quiet minutes to consider your state of being. Close your eyes and consider the sensations you are feeling in your body, whether hunger, thirst, or any aches or pains anywhere.

Try not to diagnose them and rather simply observe them. Move on to considering your emotional and mental state – what thoughts are at the front of your mind, and are they connected to any emotions you are feeling?

It can be tricky to spend even a few moments in the day to pay attention to yourself, and even trickier not to judge yourself. The more you practice observing your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations with curiosity and without judgment, the more peace and self-acceptance you will experience. The heart of self-care is to become regulated by giving yourself grace and being patient and loving with yourself.

Those with ADHD tend to become hyper-focused on a task and forget about their bodies. Sometimes self-care is as simple as staying hydrated. At regular points during the day, pause and do a body scan. If your bladder feels full, take a bathroom break. Have a drink and a snack if you’re feeling hungry or thirsty. You might benefit from a stretch and a breath of fresh air outside if you’re feeling overwhelmed or sleepy.

When you have developed a habit of looking after your body, you can begin observing your emotions and find ways to help yourself at a deeper level.

Peace in the Storm Your nervous system will eventually realize that there is no danger present because you are looking out for yourself. You will begin to feel calmer and more regulated as your body eases out of survival mode. You might still experience triggers, and there will always be something to stress about, but practicing self-care means that you will be prepared to deal with the triggering and stressful situations life throws at you.

You might long for someone else to help you, and that is no sign of weakness. Even the strongest among us can’t do it alone. You might not get it right all the time, but no one does. You have had to face pressures that few others can understand, many of which are probably ongoing.

The fact that you’re still here and reading this article shows how committed you are to your wellness. May you find a safe place among loving people to give you calm and safety from the storms that rage around you.

Next Steps

A healthy aspect of self-care is to meet with someone else and share the burdens you’re carrying. Counseling might be something that will help you as you try to regain emotional regulation. If you would like to begin meeting with a counselor, please contact our offices today. We can help connect you with a therapist in our practice. Begin your healing today!